Minecraft, the hit sand­box game from Mojang, is enter­tain­ing to mil­lions of peo­ple. Most of these peo­ple are chil­dren. Most of these chil­dren are under 6. Are you under six? Why are you play­ing this game?


Before I get into it, I’d like to say that this game is enter­tain­ing for a sol­id few hours. Fig­ur­ing out how every­thing works, fight­ing off mon­sters, that sort of thing. Rarely in any of these reviews will I not have played and, to some extent, enjoyed the game in ques­tion. Now that that’s out of the way, here we go.
My pri­ma­ry issue with Minecraft is that it is BORING. This is a gen­er­al run­down of sur­vival mode.
1. Find a tree.
2. Punch the tree, get wood.
3. Make a pickaxe.
4. Dig stone.
5. Make bet­ter pickaxe.
6. Dig stone, find coal.
7. Build a house.
8. Make a bed.
EVERY DAMN TIME. No mat­ter what the game world looks like, these are the steps you fol­low. And for the record, cre­ative mode:
1. Build some­thing large.
2. Show it to people.
If you are doing any­thing else, you are wast­ing even more time than the peo­ple who do this.

There’s anoth­er issue I have with this game, and it involves the cross-plat­form com­pli­ca­tions. First off, PC has a lot more.…stuff, than the con­sole edi­tion. Not realy some­thing I care about par­tic­u­lar­ly, con­sid­er­ing I don’t play this game any­more on any sys­tem. What does bug me, were I ever to go back to it, is that the con­sole ver­sion has this nifty inter­face that allows you to quick­ly craft any object you desire, giv­en you have the parts to make it. So WHY, IN THE FUCK, DOES PC NOT HAVE THIS?! WHY is my head FILLED with recipes to make picks, shov­els, doors, beds, lad­ders, torch­es, swords, axes, armor, hop­pers, red­stone devices, etc. when you could have just had a drop down menu to sort that shit out for me? Wast­ed brain space, forever.

In all seri­ous­ness, I could nev­er play this game again and be fine. I prob­a­bly will play it again, because I have a prob­lem, but that’s besides the point. If you haven’t played minecraft, go do it. It’s only $20 and is about a $20 expe­ri­ence. Math says that’s fair.